when an old forgotten song takes you down the memory lane...

An old song,  an old episode of your favorite late TV show or a mere tune is enough to throw you back into the past.Isnt it strange we never think about it…it never plays in our mind  but you suddenly here a song and lo! It takes you down the memory lane…
   Sometimes it takes you there where it felt the best. Your first crush. That  first excitement..
    The first time I saw him..he was the cutest guy I had ever seen. He was so full of life. My friend was all over him and he looked so disinterested. My mum made me talk to him..I remember looking into his eyes all the time..I can never forget that spark…and of course that smile.That intense mutual will to talk more and more…
  Two days later I remember watching him go.I thought I would never see him again.He looked at me until the vehicle drove away..somehow conveyed there was more to it..Sometimes I think if things had stopped at that point,it would have been different. But then that is past,right? You can never change even a bit of it.
  We later became friends..best friends.The first guy friend I ever had. Though we did not meet for a year after that it became the closest relationship I had.We eventually fell in love…there was no reason not to.My first love.My first friend. I wish things had remained that beautiful but we ultimately screwed the whole thing…ended on a bitter note..Though we did reconcile after years but its been all formal.
    Hmm.. So thats what a tiny insignificant (?) tune does to you…it takes you back into that Era but it doesnt let you change it. Thats bad:)

Truth.
Down there no one really cares.All that matters is self.
People are so downright selfcentered and selfish that ultimately you have to make a choice.You have to decide whose selfishness you can bear without losing your peace of mind and then you allow them to become a part of your life. Its a process...sad one though.

now i cant find my diary...n i need to write...write now....cz der is nothing else i can think of....cz it concerns me...it so v much concerns me...cz its about breaking of a relation.
break ups can be disastrous...so much disastrous that i wonder y ppl even fall in relations....y we get involved...y we let our emotions get so much dependant on someone...so much centered around someone...that its either him or its nothing..
breakups can be so disastrous to your self esteem..,it can land up changing your perception about you....it lands usuch immense self,doubts....n da attitude u carried about yourself..n al the good things u thot about yourself is just gone.....n no matter how much u try to keep it aloof from rest..it does n,it will affect everything....just everything around u.....i just hate it
in fact right now i hate everything incl myself.....
n now dun know y life has made me,so stupidly introvert that i dun even share wid anyone now...
n y to share..,i guesseveryone is going thru much in der own way...n so m i...,
i dun know whether is it normal to feel irritated when ppl go gaga about their relations once u jv broken up....its like either u want then to shut up or break up too,...its ao irritating...its like y is ders still working,,,,y didn't mine.......
six yrs...n it all comes to this...to a state when der is no understanding...just nothing...n ppl simply curse u......another ..yet another incident...n i feel...hey m such a kid..how do i survive all dis..!!!

 

N I let it go...

The hardest part of my life has been this...standing on the edge of a cliff my hands shake .....have u ever tried distancing someone from u....someone u have loved a lot......a hell lot......but till a time comes when the best u can do is go away.....away from the person....away from yourself....away from the sweetest side of yours....though u may know this will change u.....change everything....but then Der is nothing u can do.........a time comes when u hate yourself....hate so much that u can't let love love die in this hatred slowly n slowly everyday....u have to let it go....let it fly away somewhere where love still exists....somewhere where trust..understanding...caring still exists....it does not here...within me....n u give the final push....push it from the edge....n see Der it goes.... U wanna call it back so badly....but u keep numb...simply stare...Der it goes.....someone somewhere will do it good.....u climb down...heavily burdened with memories....each step u take it gets unbearable....n u good
break down..... its over....it wasn't meant to be....but it is....

Something's I never understood....somethings were just not meant for me...something's ..yeah..I could not handle.....some people were just too good for me....

Y write more n for whom...!!I give up writing... Let this be the final one..cause now Der won't be anymore....its a lonely road ......

Last one..

No more.. http://ishitak22.blogspot.com/2013/02/no-more.html

No more..

Sometimes u have to lose everything cause that's the only option u have..sometimes u have to do things u never thought u would....leave people u never imagined your existence without....just for their sake....life is strange...sometimes it gives u so much...yet other times nothing...Der r times it gives u everything except what u want....everything has bcum so complex...
   I sit on bed,staring out of the window...wondering if I have someone to say all this....n then a thought springs up....why bother anyone....ain't they themselves surrounded by their own hefty problems...?? Who is interested?
  sometimes everything is fine...u r busy yet happy...content...n everyday u wake up n say ...I love  my life....but the other days u feel a complete void...nothing is clear....u feel like a tiny creature trying to understand the complexities of life ....on your own...trying not to hurt anyone in this process...nor wanna get hurt...
an extremely reserved person I was...until I learnt things get better when u share .... with friends I suppose...!!strange but life again made me a closed box..tightly entangled in chain with locks...keys I have thrown away...just not ready to be open...(really...??)
   only if someone could have understood I was waiting for a bit of understanding....lil initiative...n a little effort to open up again...if only u had given me your hand...
  

Stop taking for granted..!!

Y do some people take so much advantage of everything....y do ppl take others for granted....just cause they know u r too close....n won't ever leave....the same ppl go to world s end to make everything alright when things go terribly wrong.....but r too lazy to do the same bit by bit everyday so that we never ever reach that stage.....
   we are sometimes just too lazy n mean....we go to miles to do something for people who dun mean anything to us just cause they won't wait for us..just cause they won't understand us....but dun care to understand ppl sitting just beside us........why ?? Just cause they r close to our heart n we can always make them feel good when free ...just cause all they will do is complain...n.we  can always make up for it....someday...!!! plenty of time we have...!huh!!
its so hard to make a call.to a distant frd or family ....always short of balance but we have loads n loads of it to chatter uselessly for hours to ppl nearby.....no time to respond calls but hell.lot of it to waste lying downing bed doing nothing.....
  that's us v r too lazy for the one close to heart....da one who deserves each n every minute of us......n busy with things that mean nothing..people who just dun count....!!