N I let it go...

The hardest part of my life has been this...standing on the edge of a cliff my hands shake .....have u ever tried distancing someone from u....someone u have loved a lot......a hell lot......but till a time comes when the best u can do is go away.....away from the person....away from yourself....away from the sweetest side of yours....though u may know this will change u.....change everything....but then Der is nothing u can do.........a time comes when u hate yourself....hate so much that u can't let love love die in this hatred slowly n slowly everyday....u have to let it go....let it fly away somewhere where love still exists....somewhere where trust..understanding...caring still exists....it does not here...within me....n u give the final push....push it from the edge....n see Der it goes.... U wanna call it back so badly....but u keep numb...simply stare...Der it goes.....someone somewhere will do it good.....u climb down...heavily burdened with memories....each step u take it gets unbearable....n u good
break down..... its over....it wasn't meant to be....but it is....

Something's I never understood....somethings were just not meant for me...something's ..yeah..I could not handle.....some people were just too good for me....

Y write more n for whom...!!I give up writing... Let this be the final one..cause now Der won't be anymore....its a lonely road ......

Last one..

No more.. http://ishitak22.blogspot.com/2013/02/no-more.html

No more..

Sometimes u have to lose everything cause that's the only option u have..sometimes u have to do things u never thought u would....leave people u never imagined your existence without....just for their sake....life is strange...sometimes it gives u so much...yet other times nothing...Der r times it gives u everything except what u want....everything has bcum so complex...
   I sit on bed,staring out of the window...wondering if I have someone to say all this....n then a thought springs up....why bother anyone....ain't they themselves surrounded by their own hefty problems...?? Who is interested?
  sometimes everything is fine...u r busy yet happy...content...n everyday u wake up n say ...I love  my life....but the other days u feel a complete void...nothing is clear....u feel like a tiny creature trying to understand the complexities of life ....on your own...trying not to hurt anyone in this process...nor wanna get hurt...
an extremely reserved person I was...until I learnt things get better when u share .... with friends I suppose...!!strange but life again made me a closed box..tightly entangled in chain with locks...keys I have thrown away...just not ready to be open...(really...??)
   only if someone could have understood I was waiting for a bit of understanding....lil initiative...n a little effort to open up again...if only u had given me your hand...
  

Stop taking for granted..!!

Y do some people take so much advantage of everything....y do ppl take others for granted....just cause they know u r too close....n won't ever leave....the same ppl go to world s end to make everything alright when things go terribly wrong.....but r too lazy to do the same bit by bit everyday so that we never ever reach that stage.....
   we are sometimes just too lazy n mean....we go to miles to do something for people who dun mean anything to us just cause they won't wait for us..just cause they won't understand us....but dun care to understand ppl sitting just beside us........why ?? Just cause they r close to our heart n we can always make them feel good when free ...just cause all they will do is complain...n.we  can always make up for it....someday...!!! plenty of time we have...!huh!!
its so hard to make a call.to a distant frd or family ....always short of balance but we have loads n loads of it to chatter uselessly for hours to ppl nearby.....no time to respond calls but hell.lot of it to waste lying downing bed doing nothing.....
  that's us v r too lazy for the one close to heart....da one who deserves each n every minute of us......n busy with things that mean nothing..people who just dun count....!!

MAKE ME IMMUNE plz...!!

sometimes i feel..thats it....der are no more strange people to see....is se zyaada kya ho ga n life brings yet another bunch .....n da more i meet da more my mind wanders how to deal with them/....

i have met a hell lot of different ppl here....

some like my status said are victims of inferiority complexes who tend to hide it wid a big pseudoego...inside they just too shallow......try n argue u go nowhere...they create a world in their mind where dey r sooo perfect n we all just fools........sometimes i feel its utter stupidity to feel bad about what they say about u but......mind was never a remote controlled gadget......its bound to feel...n it DOES FEEL....!!

den there are some...no matter how much u do for them....in da end it seems so less(of course from der point of view).......n just some trivial fake efforts by others r appreciated so much by them......what u stand in their life..how much u mean all depends where u r...with whom u r....n actually on WHO's WATCHING....!!!!! everything about them is so temporary....

da other one.....they have diff rules for diff people.....diff personalities for diff......n guess what ...for u the bad side is alwz der...!! they might be ready to forgive forget no matter what happens in life but when it comes to u they want to get it etched wid sum highly permanent non washable ink in their mind n want to revise it more n more......more than they shud be actually revising their med syllabus...!!

since da day i hv come here.......i hv seen so many simply struggling to adjust...understand(no efforts yet..!!).....make decisions( which of course dun last..!!)......crave for sumone(who they never get..).....n the list goes on...n there were even some u gave up.....n me??? m simply trying to understand whats happening.....

everytime i write a stupid sad status...i get a feeling ...not again....!! ab toh samajh jao....but then i down have some down regulators working in this department at least who will make me immune.....i cant.........

its been around 7 years i came out of my coccoon(my home..my sfc) n hv had innumerable experiences......its a cycle......it will go on.......m just waiting for the moment when things will actually stop affecting me.......n like others i would be explaining others too"koi kisi ka nahi hota" LOL....he he

let me be 'ME'

there was apoem i read in school....dun rememeber da title..nor da exact lines but it was about sum1 who had bcum too much frustrated wearin a facade...he wanted to be him....but da world forced him to be someone else........false pretence...false praises....all had made him hate da world....n all he desired for was his innocent childhood where he was so much away from da wordly ways..........n his soul was pure...uncorrupted...he could wave n smile if he liked n it wasnt necessary to greet every1 to be "NICE".....but then there are hundreds of ppl he cudn hurt....so a fake smile till his cheeks hurt....else he was cald proud.........a world wear he wore a mask each n every day...........

i dun know y i m thinking of this poem .....tryin to memorise its line.....its been long...i dun even rememeber which standard i read it in...

sometimes i feel so too....sometimes i desire earnestly for ppl in front of whom i can be me......just me...da real me.....without fear...

u meet so mant ppl in life....some do let u be u but its nt that simple....it starts wid phrases like "u r so amazing"......perfect..."i like da way u..." to end up with the same ppl trying to change u in everyway they can........till u simply stop being u......till u wanna yell at them to stop it......

da poet said that the world demands u to be different than what your innerself wants u to be if u wanna survive.......it takes u away from "U"....n u end up being fake.......

if only i cud remember da poem...

ishh: i need u

ishh: i need u: i need u...some times i just wanna sum it up in these 3 words n sometimes i wanna write n write till words dun come...i need u.... i need ...